I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
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Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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