Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
