just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
