wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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