You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He shit in the fireplace
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
