She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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