Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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