dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
