JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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