Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
