Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
