we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
