i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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