How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
