So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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