woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
