38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
