Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
