I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
