i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
