are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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