Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
