Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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