Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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