I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
