were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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