am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
