I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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