I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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