If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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