Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
