Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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