i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
