im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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