just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
