so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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