When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
