well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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