captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
