I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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