wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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