The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
