It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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