either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
