my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
