you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Drunk is not a location!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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