She is in my trunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
