apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
