Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
