i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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