Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
