so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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