and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize