Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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