Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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