You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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