Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
