WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
