apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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