Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
