If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
