she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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