I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
