Whod you bang
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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