Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
your like the ambassador to my penis.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
