so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
