Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
