Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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