If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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