Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
